Wednesday, January 14th, I got tagged by a friend to take a selfie. I guess it was some “game”. When you got tagged, you had to stop and drop what you were doing to take a picture of yourself. I had made a quip that no one wants to see a selfie of me.
At her encouragement (alright she said I must), I took a damn selfie. As I was trying to align my iPhone to take a good picture, I notice my sixteen-year-old sneaking into the shot at my shoulder. The goob was making a face which made me laugh.
So in my selfie, I had a sleeping dachshund at my chest, a teenager making a face at my shoulder, and me laughing. The friend responds “I approve” and that there are not enough pictures of me smiling. Another friend comments that she likes seeing me with a big smile. Then there is my mom’s comment: ‘need tos mile more often looks good bubba roo you’re a clown.”
Yes, I am aware that I hardly smile, especially in pictures. There is a reason for that. I do not believe I am photogenic. I always look dumpy and goofy in photographs. I have accepted this... And I particularly do not like my smile.
And a lot of times there is little to smile about. This does not mean that I am depressed, moody, pissed or melancholy, just nothing that moves me to wear a smile constantly. I can paste a fake, insincere smile with no problems. I’ve done it enough times while working at Mikey D’s or dealing with people/situations I am not comfortable in.
Also, there are precious few people in my sphere that makes me want to smile. My oldest son makes me laugh often with his hijinks and antics. The youngest too makes me smile and laugh on occasions. Let us not forget pets, my boy Rock often makes me laugh and smile at him, especially when he finds a red solo cup and entertains himself with it. Or when he snuggles close to me at bedtime. I smile because I treasure that closeness he needs to have with me. Then there are a handful of friends (sad that I can count these friends on both hands), all on-line, that can make me smile or laugh.
So yes, I can smile. I just don’t have nothing to move me to it. And it does not mean I am in a bad or sad mood. Although, I have been feeling touches of wistfulness and touches of loneliness. The nights are the worst. In the past I would be on IMs with friends goofing off and chatting. Now my evenings are either watching anime, reading a review book, writing or some project. I rarely interact with people. And that is just preference, no one on that time or moves me to conversation. I’m weird.