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(no subject) [Jul. 22nd, 2011|01:47 am]



       

Pretty much the entire “July” month has been hell. I’ve been battling stress and worry like you would not believe. People, especially ones I thought were friends, have pushed me to the point where I want to snarl “Fuck Off” to just about anyone.

Yeah. I tolerate much, digest and let it sit until it boils and festers. No secret about that. Easily hurt and easily misguided I guess. Not misguided more fucking gullible is like it.

So yeah the heat has not been helping me much. I’ve been getting way too snappish. If I’m not angry then I’m depressed. My moods go from one extreme to the other, one mode to another.

This entire summer has been one dull, clusterfuck. I do have my husband to thank for that. Much of my problem is due to cabin fever or stir crazy. Then add in the heat and children and a husband pushing buttons. Yeah not a very good combo.

My first outing for a long time… was at an ice cream social that you had to pay for everything… Yeah, lame, and a total waste of gas and time. I spent my time parked on a bench and never moved, by my expression it was evident that I was not enjoying myself.

The trip to South Carolina that was planned since January has been nixed. The car is not legalized. He had the gall to say “Call your brother to pick you and the boys up.” Um hello, what kind of vacation is that for me? That sounds suspiciously like a vacation for him.

I’ll still be aggravated. I just changed one location for another to be parked at. Still I will have to “watch” my children and possibly the nephew. WTF? No. I need a break. I need a breather. I need to get my fucking barings back.

Is it destructive to hope you pass out from heat exhaustion? I’ve probably been close the past two days. Today was the worst. My stomach kept rebelling, my legs weak, and I felt light headed and dizzy. Stupid me kept foraging on, trying not to pass out because it wouldn’t do me any good.

So I am totally relating with my friend Attie right now. Seems like we are going through the same bs a little.


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My Bean Pot Celebration [Jun. 22nd, 2011|10:54 am]
http://stephaniedraven.com/2011/05/19/my-bean-pot-celebration/
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RIP Diane Wynne Jones [Mar. 26th, 2011|09:19 pm]
Now I only read one book of hers: Howl's Moving Castle because I wanted to see how the story and the Anime differed. * Sniffles * Gonna honor her memory and watch Howl's Moving Castle.

May she rest in peace and become someone's guardian muse.
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Silence is the loudest scream [Feb. 6th, 2011|04:54 pm]

      And the type of scream that often gets disregarded.

     I've been going into another long silence stint. Books and music, and yes, my puppy dogs seems to give me a reprieve of solace. The dissent inside seems to be growing larger and larger each day. I try to find some distraction, books, movies, shows on hulu to fill in the void of my loneliness.

   I am far from perfect...

  And I know I can not say what people needs to hear.

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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2010|08:35 pm]
      Really was not feeling the Christmas spirit...

      And I am so damn glad it's done and over with.  This was the first Christmas Eve and Day I did not spend at my mother's. Thanks to my husband's continued idiocy and car problems (heater doesn't work and flat tire), mom and J.C. came out on the 23rd to hand out their gifts, which I decided to let the boys open it infront of them.

     It was even harder because I had to let go of yet another puppy. Worse, this pup was my favorite because she was a lovable thing. Everytime I picked her up she would give me kisses. True to her nature she reached up to kiss the woman who wanted a pup, and that got her chosen. So now I am down to two babies.

    The boys got two flannel shirts a piece save for Gabe; he got one camo flannel and spongebob pajamas (which he LOVED). Then the boys got a sweater hoody (West Virginia). Which I told them they could wear to school. The oldest two boys got these super cool hats. Gaby got a camo hat with matching mitten gloves. The older two got gloves too, the best kind to go out and play in snow.

    From my uncle they got twenty dollars to go spend.  Even Harlen and I got money too. So, New Years Eve, I will probably be on half.com ordering me some books. Books at least give me some form of pleasure and they are the truest friends a person can have.

   Mom got Harlen some yarn (two shades of green and white) and socks, since he needs the damned things. For me, mom got me a black and white stripped shirt, sapphire earrings from Avon (every year I expect something from Avon because mom loves avon stuff), and a troll bead bracelet she made.

     Christmas Eve and Day I planned on going no where, but evidently, my will and desires mean nothing. Christmas Eve I got guilt tripped to go to his mother's. His brother in law was coming to pick us up. The reason I loath going to such family gatherings is how utterly alone and "not apart" I feel. These people enjoy making it known I was not what they wanted for Harlen.

    The boys' got movie tickets and toys. Hubby got two fleece pajamma pants, thermal socks (which he told at home he would never wear them, to take them if I wanted too), two shirts with flags on them, bike pump (to use for his balloons), and art supplies: art pencils (prang), two art books, these small shader things, pencil holder and two mechanical pencils.

   Myself, I too got two shirts with flags on them, art supplies: colored pencils (which I gave them to my sons. My friend got me spoiled when she bought my first set of Prisma colors, and I love the depth and feel they provide, and so I won't use any others save for them), two art books, smaller shader things, pencil holder, art pencils, socks, crock pot (which I already had one I rarely use), and I am sorry to say these granny style boxer/sleep shorts (they are black and white boxes which looks like you tie in the front. Hideous to say the least.)

  This is how bad those shorts-things are:  My husband, now and then, knows my particular style.. What I will wear and what I will flat out refuse, toss to the side and forget. Well, when we came home, he looks at me and said "You can have one of my fleece pajama pants because I know you won't wear those short things.

  Why ever she chose those things for me... Her daughters made out like bandits because they "made" lists and expect pretty much what is on those lists.  So the one got oodles of those toe socks and nice pajama set. The other got fleece pajama pants and a two piece pajama set. Even the son in law made out like a bandit.

  Since he and I are pretty set in the art supplies' brands we like and prefer, he knew I would give the colored pencils to the boys. I know prisma color coloring - pencils are expensive. Those types of things I buy at income tax time or myself because I know what I need and don't need. Especially since I've been using them more this year. I kept the drawing pencils. Hubby gave me his mechanical pencils since he doesn't use or like them. We both gave the small sketch pencil thingies to the boys. The sketch books were put to the side for the boys. Harlen likes hardback sketch and I like the spiral.

   What irritated me most... why I really hate attending such functions, it always circles around the two sil's and the only two granddaughters. I get really tired of the obvious favoritism. They got the one neice a barbie house, made her open it last of all. You can tell this girl already knows she's better than people.. I was so ready to go home after five minutes...

  So when I got home it was a blessing. I had wanted to write but I was already in a dismal mood.  The boys seem to be pleased with what they got. Those paper guitars ended up a great hit with them. Then Austin was estatic over his John Cena shirt, hat, and necklace. He's still wearing the shirt. LOL.

  Harlen is probably pissed at me... but I got so sick of seeing the tree, cleaning around it, and chasing the pups away from the garland, that I dismantled the fucking thing. I really do not have anything to be down and depressed about... but I am. Last night I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. The same thing today.

 

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and then there was two... [Dec. 24th, 2010|02:12 am]

Puppies that is... Ever since my daschie Cynder had her pups in October, I've seem to have a purpose outside of the normal mundane cleaning and taking care of my kids and hubby.

The past couple months has not really been too kind to me, especially emotion wise. The "Lil Darlings" as I dubbed them always made me feel better, brought a smile and laugh to me.

They loved me unconditionally.

That they are ready to venture out in new homes around Christmas is really dimming the mood for the holiday. I was already not in the mood for it, this only killed it more.

One pup left last Friday. It helps (and doesn't help) that she went to a good home, that she made a five year old girl incredibly happy. The news passed on to the hubs to me does make me smile. I'm glad Angel bonded with the girl, that she sleeps with her, and goes wherever they do (even car rides).

This second pup went to the couple's oldest son and his wife. Intution told me who they were going to pick. I handed the woman the one I dubbed "Lil Kisser Girl" because she always gives people kisses, and I handed the guy Loner.

True to her nature, Lil Kisser reached up and began kissing the woman. She looked over to her husband and said "I want this one."

So now I am feeling melancholy over her leaving... Hell I just got back on my feet with Angel to repeat the process again. What's extremely hard is doing this without any support from friends. Basically think they scattered to the four winds, leaving me alone to deal with this.

To help I've picked back up coloring line-arts. Madame Dei (on deviant) has been most awesome in letting me work on her linearts. I even had fun with the kirin (her japanese take on the last unicorn).

I just got done working on kattmonroe2001 from deviant's one picture. Now that was awesome. Trying to find more line-arts to do to fill the void that my nights are now.

Inbetween line-arts and reading... I seriously need to get my butt into gear to start writing. My story Prophecy is never too far from my thoughts. I have ideas... but I really do not have the drive to write.

Though, in West Virginia, the cold does not elicit a lot of enthusism to be creative. Damn cold. LOL.

My secret santa got me this gorgeous sketch pad with a fairy on the front and velvet. I love the feel of the blank pages against my fingertips... She said when she saw the book her thoughts turned to me.

She figured I could draw or write story plots in it. LOL, I am too nervous and paranoid of flubbing the pictures to put in there.

My friend Joyce got another gift that I am stoked and happy about. She got me the case I wanted for my Kindle reader. I knew it was coming because when I learned I won a 100 gift card to Amazon, I was excited and told her. She feared I would order the case and told me not to. For Christmas, they had a 40 dollar case down to eleven dollars.

I do have to say one thing.... The best part of this month has been drooling over Nathie (Y! and deviant)'s latest character Eldred. She did two pictures of this druid that made me go "Holy shite" Whimper and oogle.
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Birthday Spread... [Sep. 9th, 2010|02:07 am]

Birthday Reading - Celtic Cross

1st - Self - The Hierophant

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FREE BOOK Giveaway - Demon From The Dark by Kresley Cole [Aug. 19th, 2010|07:27 pm]

FREE BOOK Giveaway - Demon From The Dark by Kresley Cole

 
Yes, you seen that right... Now I know there are Immortal After Dark fans out there.. Sadly I am two, well this would make three books behind, but I will catch up within no time on that. This series rocks and I seriously hope there is a lot of Nix in them. Gotta love that seer!

http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=29330%3Fp%3DFREE+BOOK+Giveaway+-+Demon+From+The+Dark+by+Kresley+Cole

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Gena Showalter at BBB [May. 19th, 2010|05:18 pm]
Gena is doing an interview and contest over at BittenBy Books. I do know many people out there loves her Lords of Underworld, several of you have influences me to pick up the books which i have not regretted. So come on over!



http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=24457
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Peek in Rao’s Life [May. 17th, 2010|05:57 pm]

 

So I am in a silly kind-of-mood and decided to do an update newsletter-type thing on my life and what I am doing. Yes, I seriously doubt too many people are interested in the going ons behind-the-scenes.

First agenda - This weekend (May 22 and 23) I will be in Columbus Ohio for the two day concert, Rock on the Range 3. Four days and counting! Friday, after the boys get home from school, we will pack everything up and take them to my mom’s for the weekend.

My mother only lives about say about an hour or less from Columbus (actually doing this puts us en route). Once the boys are dropped off, the hubby and I will continue on our way up to Columbus to get our hotel and rest up for Saturday.

Who am I looking forward to seeing? Three Days Grace and Apocalyptica. They were the main two reasons I text the hubby about wanting to go. Plus! Rao here got field tickets which means I do not have to remain right in the stadium seats but the field closer to the stage.

Squee! Here’s the lineup: http://rockontherange.com/lineup.html . I just hope it does not storm and I can bring my Nikon camera so I can get some shots.

Second Agenda - Writing and My Current Works-in-progress

I have added yet another WIP on my "to-do-list" bringing the total up to three. This one, unlike the previous two, is much, much older. Heh, yes I have decided to bring Kheldin and Kiirri’s story out, dust things off, and give it a much needed face-lift.

Changes in my life prompted this decision.

One of the massive changes in the story shall be characters. There are several characters that just did not exactly fit well. No worries, Kiirri and Kheldin remain about the same.

There are a few characters that are going ‘bye-byes’ and brand-new characters slid in their places. Unfortunately those who are familiar with the sad first draft of Child of Prophecy will have to wait until I manage to write it to find out which characters got cut.

The remaining characters - a few got minor changes like shortened names, tweaked looks, necessary profession.

Another massive change in the story: the plot. Ehh, the bulk of it will remain about the same. The majority of the story’s content got scrapped and some chapters are salvageable on the new twist I want to take the story.

When I read over the pitiful attempt the story jumped far too much and the scenes inside, the interactions, came off too cliché for my peace of mind. Now the twist that I want to add the story will fill things out smoothly and better.

The last massive change in not only this story but Warrior of the Moon. Child of Prophecy and Warrior of the Moon takes place in the same world, one that I had help in its creation. Feiden does not solely belong to just me, but it is a collection done by myself, and my two friends RJ and Keeshe.

Last month, a good friend got me to thinking about long-term goals and possibilities. True, for now I have absolutely no desire, drive, or want to be published. I get discouraged way too easily and my skin is not as thick as I like.

But what about down the line? Once my youngest is in school? Ten years from now? Many of my works in progresses taking place in Feiden would need tweaking. Why? Well because I use DnD/Wizard of the Coast pantheon.

Instead of adding heaps of work on myself in the future, I decided to tackle that now. I even went so far as to email RJ and Keeshe about modifying and creating our own pantheon for Feiden. One jumped instantly on board, and so we are doing the slow but laborious journey of creating these Gods and Goddesses.

I still plan on writing Burning Times and I do not plan on stopping Warrior of the Moon. They, like Child of Prophecy, will come at their own pace. Possibly, I will not be writing too hardcore until my children are firmly in school, I have some "Rao time" set up.

 

Third agenda - I am currently reading two books: "Howl’s Moving Castle" by Diana Wynne Jones and Sword-sworn by Jennifer Roberson. Both books are fantasy which I have been sorely lacking in my reading of late.

I’ve heard glowing reviews about Howl’s Moving Castle, the book. Yes, I am aware that there is an animation. I had found the anime first, and then discovered years later, it was loosely based on a book.

Am I enjoying it? Yes, however, there was one part in the book (so far) that simply lost me. Oddly enough I am in the mood, once again, to put the movie and immerse myself in it.

Sword-sworn, the last book (currently) in Jennifer Roberson’s Del and Tiger series. Now Roberson is an auto buy author for me because her novels always satisfy the beast inside me that needs its fantasy fix.

This series, along with Roberson’s Cheysuli books, were highly recommended to me. I’ve fortunately got to finish reading the Cheysuli series a good many years ago. Not so with Del and Tiger because I was missing key books to finish the series.

However, this year I fixed that little problem by getting the one book I needed to finish the last two in the series from the library. This does not mean that I am ceasing in my search for that elusive book (may have to give up and order it from half.com).

But my intention this year, book reading wise, is to finish reading many of the series books in my collection. So far I have been doing really well. I’m currently up-to-date on Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels/Blood; Sherrilyn Kenyon Dark Hunters; JR Ward’s BDB; Gena Showalter’s Lord and all the Eve Silver books in my collection.


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