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(no subject) [Jan. 16th, 2015|02:06 am]

Wednesday, January 14th, I got tagged by a friend to take a selfie. I guess it was some “game”. When you got tagged, you had to stop and drop what you were doing to take a picture of yourself. I had made a quip that no one wants to see a selfie of me.

At her encouragement (alright she said I must), I took a damn selfie. As I was trying to align my iPhone to take a good picture, I notice my sixteen-year-old sneaking into the shot at my shoulder. The goob was making a face which made me laugh.

So in my selfie, I had a sleeping dachshund at my chest, a teenager making a face at my shoulder, and me laughing. The friend responds “I approve” and that there are not enough pictures of me smiling. Another friend comments that she likes seeing me with a big smile. Then there is my mom’s comment: ‘need tos mile more often looks good bubba roo you’re a clown.”

Yes, I am aware that I hardly smile, especially in pictures. There is a reason for that. I do not believe I am photogenic. I always look dumpy and goofy in photographs. I have accepted this... And I particularly do not like my smile.

And a lot of times there is little to smile about. This does not mean that I am depressed, moody, pissed or melancholy, just nothing that moves me to wear a smile constantly. I can paste a fake, insincere smile with no problems. I’ve done it enough times while working at Mikey D’s or dealing with people/situations I am not comfortable in.

Also, there are precious few people in my sphere that makes me want to smile. My oldest son makes me laugh often with his hijinks and antics. The youngest too makes me smile and laugh on occasions. Let us not forget pets, my boy Rock often makes me laugh and smile at him, especially when he finds a red solo cup and entertains himself with it. Or when he snuggles close to me at bedtime. I smile because I treasure that closeness he needs to have with me. Then there are a handful of friends (sad that I can count these friends on both hands), all on-line, that can make me smile or laugh.

So yes, I can smile. I just don’t have nothing to move me to it. And it does not mean I am in a bad or sad mood. Although, I have been feeling touches of wistfulness and touches of loneliness. The nights are the worst. In the past I would be on IMs with friends goofing off and chatting. Now my evenings are either watching anime, reading a review book, writing or some project. I rarely interact with people. And that is just preference, no one on that time or moves me to conversation. I’m weird.

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Cosmos wins, I lose everytime [Jan. 27th, 2013|04:19 pm]

               Really do not like the “updates” and “changes” on livejournal. Oh well, right?

               Once more the cosmos expresses its deep dislike for me. I must have done something really pissy in a past life to warrant all this bullshit, just so very exhausting and wearying.  Do not expect people to miss me or notice that I am gone.

No cell, no landline (because it’s part of the package with the internet and tv), and no net. Only way to communicate with me is snail mail, and I seriously doubt anyone cares enough to do that.  I told a couple of people and left a vague post on facebook about it.

Preparing myself for no tv (gonna miss all my shows * sighs *) and net. So I have books and if I feel up to it, I do have my WIPs.  And I have anime.  Yesterday I needed a picker-upper. I decided to watch an anime.

Ouran High School Host Club was my choice. Spent the entire day watching the complete season, and it did not end until midnight. I may give my sons’ one anime a try. It is season one. Then maybe my Legend of Legendary Heroes.

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(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2012|09:41 am]

       Yesterday I must have been channeling my friend Attie. She had this urge to come on-line and facebook to help me with horse coats. So damn thankful for all the help she gives me.

        She at least doesn't make me feel so damn invisible like others do.

        Created these horses on doll devine, the Robe Au Choix

     FIRST MOUNT:   Named this one "BATTLERBOW". 

Cross between a Grulla with a face masking and blaze and a typical Dun with a dorsal


(Sorry pictures don't show up for me. I get the Red X)

    SECOND MOUNT:  Named this one "IRON DAGGER" (my favorite)

Coat that vaguely reminded me of a dapple grey with very faint spots, kind of like what you see in early spring before the sun brings them out in summer. It does have a bit of a Steel Gray flavor though, sometimes those horse turn Dapple or Light Gray as they age



lean toward Tovero, which is a cross between Tobino and Overo. A Paint is a specific breed of horse, bred for the conformation and musculature similar to a Quarter Horse where as a Pinto, on the other hand, is ANY breed of horse exhibiting the colorations



Seems to be a type of "Blanket" Appaloosa, where there's dual colors and white on the hips or flanks, sometimes with or without spots.


     FIFTH MOUNT: http://s210.photobucket.com/albums/bb147/Raonaid1976/?action=view&current=firstmount.png#!oZZ8QQcurrentZZhttp%3A%2F%2Fs210.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb147%2FRaonaid1976%2F%3Faction%3Dview%26current%3D5thmount.png

    SIXTH MOUNT:  http://s210.photobucket.com/albums/bb147/Raonaid1976/?action=view&current=firstmount.png#!oZZ7QQcurrentZZhttp%3A%2F%2Fs210.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb147%2FRaonaid1976%2F%3Faction%3Dview%26current%3D6thMount.png

    SEVENTH MOUNT:http://s210.photobucket.com/albums/bb147/Raonaid1976/?action=view&current=firstmount.png#!oZZ6QQcurrentZZhttp%3A%2F%2Fs210.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb147%2FRaonaid1976%2F%3Faction%3Dview%26current%3D7thMount.png

    EIGHT MOUNT: http://s210.photobucket.com/albums/bb147/Raonaid1976/?action=view&current=firstmount.png#!oZZ5QQcurrentZZhttp%3A%2F%2Fs210.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb147%2FRaonaid1976%2F%3Faction%3Dview%26current%3D8thMount.png

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(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2012|02:21 am]
you are mediumpurple

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

Some of this I agree with. Some I do not. The doesn't fit in part sounds about right.. Though I wouldn't exactly say my outlook is bright.
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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2012|11:07 pm]
1. What is your best friends name?

2. Do you have any pets?
Yes, four dachshunds: Warlock, Cynder, Simi, and Rock (who I call Rocky), cat – Storm, Leopard gecko – no name and a turtle named Mr. Turtle

3. What was the last thing you ate?
Turkey bacon sub with ranch dressing

4. How is the weather right now?
Muggy… it’s 77 degrees

5. What are your opinions on abortion?
Straddling the line…. Now if it depends on the mother’s life yeah. If a woman is raped and the child is the result, yeah… But if you are just out there having sex and oops… then no.

6. Favorite TV show?
NCIS, Grimm, Criminal Minds, Bones, Ghost Adventures, Tosh.0

7. Height?

8. Eye Color?

9. Favorite Holiday?

10. Have you ever cried for no reason?

11. Favorite Day of the Year?
Late spring, summer, and early fall

12. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?
Nope, to top heavy

13. Chocolate or Vanilla?

14. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you?

15. What books are you reading?
Nothing right now because I lost Addison Fox’s latest. I have Donna Grant’s latest coming

16. Favorite movies?
The Avengers

17. What are you doing right now?
Arguing with a cat that keeps messing with my monitor, filling this out, having a pity party and waiting for my middle son

18. Dogs or cats?

19. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?

20. Have you ever loved someone?

21. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?

22. Do you like to travel by plane?
Never traveled by plane

23. How many pillows do you sleep with?

24. Do you have a tattoo?

25. You have a plane ticket to anywhere, right now, where do you go?
Scotland or Ireland – Maybe I can lose myself there

26. What is the worst dream you’ve ever had?
Dreaming of my grandparents when I knew they were gone

27. What is your least favourite fruit?
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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2012|10:51 pm]
Since I am waiting on my son... and I'm bored, lonely, pissy, and depressed..

01. Real name? Rachel
002. Nick name? Rach, Raonaid, Rao
003. Eye color? Blue-green
004. Zodiac sign? Virgo / Fire Dragon / Vine
005. Male or female? Female – the tatas prove that
006. Single? Nope
007. Crushing? Er…
008. Slut? No.. I may not have good self esteem however I have never lowered myself to that.
009. Smart? Sometimes people do not make me feel very smart.
010. Hair color? Dirty blonde
012. Sweats or Jeans? Jeans!
013. Phone or Camera? Both
014. Health freak? Nope
015. School: Nope
016. Piercings? Nope
017. Tattoos? Want one.. if I ever do it…
018. Righty or lefty? Righty

019. First piercing? Ear
020. First best friend? Not sure anymore… I know Joyce is.
021. First award? Don’t remember
022. First crush? Don’t remember
023. First pet? Cat named Angelpus

024. Eating? Nothing
025. Drinking? Nothing
026. I'm about to? Really want to write but waiting on my middle son to come home from his trip.
027. Listening to: Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac and the Fan
028. Plans for today? Since it is 10:46 at night…not much
029. Waiting for?: For my son to be dropped off from his field trip today.

030. Lips or eyes? Eyes
031. Shorter or taller? Taller?
032. Hair? Long – red or black
033. Romantic or spontaneous? Little of both
034. Nice abs or nice arms? Not sure
035. Sensitive or loud? Not too sensitive that he cries over every little thing. A little sensitivity can go a long way.
036. Hook-up or relationship? Relationships

037. Drank bubbles? ???? No
038. Lost glasses/contacts?: My vision sucks… so yes I misplaced my glasses a lot
039. Ran away from home? Nope
040. Broken someone's heart? Not that I am aware of

041. Miracles? * Snorts * Feeling cynical about “miracles”
042. Love at first sight? Guess it could happen
043. Santa Clause? You mean that dude that stuffs his face with cookies and goes “Ho ho ho?”
044. Sex on the first date? Nope
045. Kiss on the first date? Depends on the guy and how things go
046. God? Goddess…pagan

047. Is there one person you want to be with right now? * Shrugs *
048. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? Not really but that is the hand life dealt me so I have to simply do the best I can
049. Who do you like for President? Someone better than the jack asses currently in office.
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(no subject) [Jul. 22nd, 2011|01:47 am]


Pretty much the entire “July” month has been hell. I’ve been battling stress and worry like you would not believe. People, especially ones I thought were friends, have pushed me to the point where I want to snarl “Fuck Off” to just about anyone.

Yeah. I tolerate much, digest and let it sit until it boils and festers. No secret about that. Easily hurt and easily misguided I guess. Not misguided more fucking gullible is like it.

So yeah the heat has not been helping me much. I’ve been getting way too snappish. If I’m not angry then I’m depressed. My moods go from one extreme to the other, one mode to another.

This entire summer has been one dull, clusterfuck. I do have my husband to thank for that. Much of my problem is due to cabin fever or stir crazy. Then add in the heat and children and a husband pushing buttons. Yeah not a very good combo.

My first outing for a long time… was at an ice cream social that you had to pay for everything… Yeah, lame, and a total waste of gas and time. I spent my time parked on a bench and never moved, by my expression it was evident that I was not enjoying myself.

The trip to South Carolina that was planned since January has been nixed. The car is not legalized. He had the gall to say “Call your brother to pick you and the boys up.” Um hello, what kind of vacation is that for me? That sounds suspiciously like a vacation for him.

I’ll still be aggravated. I just changed one location for another to be parked at. Still I will have to “watch” my children and possibly the nephew. WTF? No. I need a break. I need a breather. I need to get my fucking barings back.

Is it destructive to hope you pass out from heat exhaustion? I’ve probably been close the past two days. Today was the worst. My stomach kept rebelling, my legs weak, and I felt light headed and dizzy. Stupid me kept foraging on, trying not to pass out because it wouldn’t do me any good.

So I am totally relating with my friend Attie right now. Seems like we are going through the same bs a little.

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My Bean Pot Celebration [Jun. 22nd, 2011|10:54 am]
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RIP Diane Wynne Jones [Mar. 26th, 2011|09:19 pm]
Now I only read one book of hers: Howl's Moving Castle because I wanted to see how the story and the Anime differed. * Sniffles * Gonna honor her memory and watch Howl's Moving Castle.

May she rest in peace and become someone's guardian muse.
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Silence is the loudest scream [Feb. 6th, 2011|04:54 pm]

      And the type of scream that often gets disregarded.

     I've been going into another long silence stint. Books and music, and yes, my puppy dogs seems to give me a reprieve of solace. The dissent inside seems to be growing larger and larger each day. I try to find some distraction, books, movies, shows on hulu to fill in the void of my loneliness.

   I am far from perfect...

  And I know I can not say what people needs to hear.

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